Fresh Start
by jenimik
Summary: Starting Life over. Sorry I'm terrible at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own anything wrestling related

Warning: Slash MXM, sexual relations

_**Fresh Start**_

He had spent all weekend unpacking his new house in a small quiet town in North Dakota. He had needed to get away, his parents hadn't wanted him to leave but in the end they had respected his reasons. He hadn't wanted to stay in the same house with their scent everywhere, all the happy memories with them being gone. He blamed himself, he should've done more.

He was due to report in to the hospital Monday, but it was only Sunday early evening. When he had first entered town, he had noticed a small bar located a couple of streets away from his new home. He decided to go and take a look. He needed a break and more importantly needed a drink, he grabbed his phone and keys and headed out. He got into his Lexus IS, which stood out a little in the small town, but it was his baby now. He drove to the bar and went inside. He noticed that it was a little bigger than it looked on the outside and there were only a few patrons. He went up to the bar and noticed that the bartender was tall, tan, tattooed and hot looking. He sat down at the bar and bartender asked, "Hi, what can I get you?" "Whatever you have on tap," he said. The bartender smiled, gave his drink to him and went to help another customer who just walked in. The bartender came back and said, "You're the one who just moved across the street. I was going to offer to help, but with the kids and everything it was kind of difficult. I'm Randy." "Hi, I'm John and you're right I did just move in," John said.

"So do you work every day?" asked John. "Actually I own the bar. Well me and my husband, when he's here and not working with the sheriff," Randy answered. "Oh, you're married to an officer?" John asked just making conversation, actually he was beginning to like Randy, and he thought that they could become good friends. "Yeah, he works for his brother, whom is the sheriff here. In fact they should be walking in about now," Randy explained. A couple of minutes later the door opened and two tall and big men walked in. They weren't dressed in their uniforms; they both had jeans and sleeveless shirts on. One had longer dark hair and the other had very short hair and what looked like more tattoos than Randy. They walked up to the bar and the slightly smaller man grabbed Randy by the front of his shirt and kissed him deeply. When the kiss broke Randy smacked the man upside his head and said, "What have I told you about doing that while I'm working?" "Not too," the man replied with a chuckle. Randy turned to John and said, "John, this idiot is my husband, Glen." Glen nodded his head towards John, "and the one sitting next to you is his brother, Mark. Guys this is John," Randy finished the introductions. Mark said, "Hi, welcome to town." He put his hand out and John shook it, Mark's hand felt warm in John's.

"So, did you check on the kids?" Randy asked his husband. "Yes, they're still having fun at your sister's house. She said she would take them home in a couple of hours. Do you need help tonight?" Glen asked. "No, it's not busy and I think I might close up a little early," Randy answered. "So you said you have kids?" John asked. "Alanna, 7 yrs., Jeffrey, 5 yrs. and Caleb is 3 yrs.," Randy answered. 'Alisha would've been 7 years old this year' John thought has he stared at his half finished beer. "Do you have any," Glen asked. "What?...Um..no I don't," John answered receiving strange looks from all three men. None of them pressed the subject; they figured that if John wanted to tell them he would. John quickly finished his beer and said good night, he had to get out of there fast. He could feel the tears starting to gather in the corner of his eyes and he was not going to cry in front of strangers.

He got home just in time, the tears started to flow down his cheeks. He through his keys and phone on the table and got a glass of water. He wished he had something stronger to drink but, he hadn't had the chance to go shopping yet. He figured he would have to go tomorrow after he was done at the hospital. He sat on the couch and closed his eyes. He had been on emergency duty that night. He had been paged and when he turned the corner and saw the victims of a drunk driving accident. He could see that it had been pretty bad and that one seemed to be a small child. As he got closer, he had to stop the scream that arose in his throat. There on the gurneys were his husband and daughter, barely breathing and mangled. He brought his hand to his face and wiped the tear away, it wouldn't do any good to dwell on it. He was here to start a new life without the people he had loved most in this world.

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	2. Chapter 2

John woke up feeling wetness on his face. He at first thought that it was sweat but he discovered that it had been tears. Whatever dream he had been having had caused him to cry while he had been asleep. His alarm was going off, so he reached over to turn it off. John groaned, he had to get up or else he was going to risk being late. He finally got up and took a shower, brushed his teeth and shaved. After he was done in the bathroom he walked into his bedroom with just a towel around his waist. He got dressed in dress slacks and a nice shirt. He didn't have to work today, he was just going to meet the director and get a tour and job duties for the ER.

He walked outside and across the street he saw four kids playing in the backyard. One of the younger kids decided that going out of the open gate would be a great adventure. John stopped at his car, which he had parked in the street the night before, and watched the little auburn hair kid. As John watched the kid as he stepped off the curb into the street, a car turned the corner. It wasn't going fast, but the driver hadn't seen the child walk into the street. "Shit," John muttered and before he knew it he was across the street on the sidewalk with a little boy in his arms. The other kids started yelling for Randy and he came running out. He saw John walking up to the yard and went to meet him. "What happened?" he asked taking the little boy out of John's arms. Alanna looked at her dad and said, "This man saved Dameon, dad. We were all playing and I didn't notice that he had gone. I'm sorry." "It's ok, Al. At least he's safe now. I don't know how I would've explained to his dad if anything had happened though. Thank you John," Randy said. John smiled and said, "No problem. Just glad I was there to help. Well, I have to go and get to the hospital before I'm late," he said walking away and he heard Randy say, "Thanks again John."

John made it to the hospital on time and managed to find the director's office. He knocked on the door and heard a "Come in" from inside. He walked inside and saw a man looking at paper work sitting behind a desk. Without looking up from the paperwork he nodded to the seat on the other side of the desk and said, "Please take a seat. This should only take one more minute." John sat down and studied the man in front of him. He had long blond hair pulled back in a pony tail and looked to be slightly bigger built than John. John thought that he also looked young to be director of a hospital; in fact John would be surprised if the man was over 42 years old. In exactly one minute the man put his paperwork down and gave John his full attention. He smiled and held out his hand saying, "Hello, I'm the Director of Fairview Hospital, Dr. Helmsley. You must be Dr. John Cena. I just finished reading the file on you. You have quite an impressive resume; I can see why you're superiors' spoke so highly of you." John smiled and shook Dr. Helmsley's hand, "Thank you, but to me it's all part of my job." "Well that's good to here. There is one thing that concerns me though, John. It's about what happened right before you arrived."

John looked surprised and said, "It won't affect my job. I'm a firm believer in keeping professional and personal separate, so there's no problem and there won't be." Dr. Helmsley smiled, "Good that's exactly what I wanted to hear. Now let's go for a walk and I'll show you around." They walked out of the office and Dr. Helmsley showed him the break room, dressing room, cafeteria and finally the ER. "Now the only thing to discuss is what shift you want," Dr. Helsmley said. "I prefer the morning," John said somewhat sadly thinking of that night. "Done, you'll start tomorrow," he said shaking John's hand again and turning to go back to his office. Dr. Helmsley suddenly stopped and turned towards John again saying, "John, you have my condolences." John nodded and said, "Thank you and walked to his car.

John got to his car and sighed. He still had to go shopping and he was getting hungry, he decided to head to the store first. While he was there he got some beer, coffee, sugar, cream, fruit, meats, bread, milk, lunch meats, eggs and mustard. He headed to the local drive thru and got a hamburger, fries and a coke. When he arrived back home he put everything away and sat down to eat. It was so quiet in the house and was so empty. He missed the patter of little feet and being welcomed home by Evan. He missed the loud kid programs on television, tripping over toys and just the noise of living. He looked around and realized that he really hadn't decorated, but most of the things he would've decorated with held memories. Memories that he didn't know if he could handle right now, so forgetting boxes left unpacked, he went upstairs to bed. So when he got upstairs he undressed and took a shower. He leaned his forehead against the shower wall as the water cascaded down his body and silently cried.

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	3. Chapter 3

John woke up the next morning with the cold sweats; he had a dream about that night again. It seemed no matter what he did or how far he travelled he couldn't escape that night. The feeling of no matter what he had done that night he just couldn't save the ones he loved, he felt as if he'd failed them. He got up and took a shower and did his normal bathroom routine and finished by getting dressed. He headed for the kitchen, grabbed an apple and headed for work.

He got to the hospital and went straight to ER. When he got there he met everybody on the morning ER staff. His morning was pretty slow, no real emergencies. A couple of patients came in with complaints of headaches and a roofer had fallen of his ladder while carrying some supplies up to the roofing job he was doing and broke his arm, so John fixed him up. It wasn't until lunch time that he heard a slight commotion out in the emergency room. He saw a pretty brunette women run in with a child in her arms that had a towel wrapped around his head. She had about 5 more children with her and as the nurse was putting the little boy in the room, she explained what had happened. The kids were playing and were running around the house when he tripped and hit his head on the corner of the wall, splitting it open.

John walked into the room with the crying little boy and the lady was trying to get him and the other kids to calm down. John asked, "Is this little one yours?" "No," she said teary eyed, "This is my nephew. I babysit him and my brother's kids when he has to work. This has never happened before. They're going to kill me." "I doubt that. Why don't you take the rest of the kids and wait in the waiting room while I take a look at this little guy. Ok?" John said. She nodded and as she turned a small pathetic, scared voice cried, "No, no go Becky. Me wanna go home. Me want daddy." John looked at Becky and Becky went to hold the little boys hand, when there was another commotion in the waiting room.

"Where is he?" a deep, angry and worried voice demanded. "Now sir please calm down. You're son is with the doctor now and Becky is in there with him," a nurse said trying to calm down an irate father and Sheriff.

The curtains were suddenly pulled back and Mark walked in straight to the bed to stand by his little boy. "Hey little guy. You have a good cut there," he said smiling gently at his son. Dameon looked at his dad through teary eyes and said, "It hurt, daddy." "I know Dameon, but let the nice doctor make it feel better. OK?" he told his son. Dameon nodded and sniffled looking at John with a scared look in his eyes. "It's ok Dameon. I won't hurt you and if you're a good boy I'll let you pick out a lollypop," John said smiling. Dameon gave a small smile and asked, "Weelly, I have a lollypop?" John smiled and nodded. John excused himself and went to have one of the nurses run to the gift shop and pick out a few lollypops. He came back and stitched Dameon up and let him pick out a lollypop.

Mark picked his son up and said, "You were a good and strong boy. Now what do you say to the nice doctor who gave you a lollypop?" Dameon looked shyly at John and said, "Tanku, misser." "No problem, kiddo," John said smiling at Dameon. Mark then looked at John and said, "Thank you John." "Like I said no problem, it's my job," he said still smiling. Becky came up to Mark and said, "I'm sorry Mark. The kids were just running around and playing and Dameon fell and hit his head and..." Mark patted her shoulder and consoled her, "It's ok, Becky. He's fine that's all that matters. Randy wants you to bring the kids to the bar for lunch and I'm going to take Dameon with me for the rest of the day. Glen's watching the station so everything should be fine."

John smiled as he watched Mark carry Dameon out of the hospital and wondered where Dameon's mom was. Well, Dameon seemed happy and healthy so he didn't dwell on it and went back to work. The rest of his day was definitely boring compared to earlier. He hadn't realized how much more laid back a small town hospital was to the hectic and rushed of a big city ER. He sighed and went home when the next shift walked in.

He had just gotten dressed after taking a shower when he heard someone knock at his door. He went and answered it and was surprised to see Randy standing on his front porch. Randy was looking kind of embarrassed as he explained to John, "I know this is kind of late, John, but we're having a barbeque. It's just a little get together and if you don't have anything else planned we'd love you to be there." John said, "I don't know Randy. I mean I'm new in town and don't really know anyone, it would just make me feel awkward." "All right, I wasn't going to do this but I want you to come because you saved Dameon yesterday and you stitched him up today. I'm trying to say thank you for helping my nephew," Randy said after some quick thinking. Even he thought it was a manipulative way to get John to come but he had another reason that he wasn't going to say. John really didn't feel like going but looking at Randy's hopeful face, he said he would be there in a little bit. Randy walked back across the street with a conniving smirk on his face. He had done his part now he would have to depend on his husband to do his part.

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	4. Chapter 4

"Come on Mark," Glen said practically begging his brother, "nobody sees you and the kids miss their uncle." He hated this, yeah it was true his brother needed to get out more, but this was stupid. "Look, Dameon just had stitches and he's taking a nap and I'm just about to cook some dinner so if you don't mind," Mark said. "Unce Gwen," Dameon screamed as he came down the hallway and saw Glen. Glen bent down and picked him up, "Hey buddy how's the head?" Glen asked looking had Dameon's bandaged head. "Otay, the dokor fix it," he said. Glen laughed he always loved listening to the younger kids talk. "Yeah the doctor was a nice man wasn't he," Glen said. "He da nices. He gave me wowwypop," Dameon said. "Okay, Mark. He's awake, now so come on over to the barbeque," Glen said. "Fine, get ready Dameon. We're going to the barbeque," Mark growled out. "Goodie," Dameon said running to his bedroom to get ready. Glen laughed and walked out the door saying, "See you guys there."

Glen drove back home thinking that his husband better be right, because if this didn't work out, it was going to blow up in all of their faces. Glen walked into his house and felt two arms wrap around his waist and hot breath whispering into his ear, "So, he's coming over, right," Randy asked. "Yes, he's coming. Do you really think this is a good idea? At least tell me this is the only thing you're going to do to interfere with their lives," Glen begged his husband. Randy rolled his eyes and said, "Yes, love, this is the only thing I'm involving myself in. I just want to give them a chance to get to know each other. After tonight whether it works, I won't interfere." Glen felt kind of guilty for chastising his husband because he had also seen just a slight spark of interest in his brother's eyes when they met John at the bar a couple of days ago. He would make up it up to Randy later; he gave Randy a kiss and went to go get ready for the barbeque.

John took a quick look at himself in the mirror and decided that he looked good enough in his jeans and tee-shirt to go to the barbeque. He grabbed his phone, pager and keys while walking out the door. As he walked across the street to Randy's a silver F-150 extended cab pulled up and Mark hopped out leaning back in to get Dameon. John stopped and stared at the man and thought he looked good tonight. Mark was in tight black jeans, his biker's boots and was only wearing a black leather biker's vest as a shirt. John felt a slight stir of interest and then started walking again shaking his head. He didn't even know if Mark swung that way.

John got to the gate and was met by a long-haired brunette little girl. She said, "Hi, you're the nice man that saved Dameon . I'm Alanna, come on I'll take you to daddy." He followed Alanna into the house and found Mark in the kitchen. "Oh, hi Uncle Mark I thought dad was in here," she said. "Hi sweetie," said Mark, "he was but he took some of the food outside." Mark then looked at John and said, "Help yourself to a beer or anything else you want to drink. Those two don't stand on ceremony here." "Thanks, I think I will take a beer," John said as he smiled. Mark watched John smile and thought that the man was kind of cute. He shook his head of such thoughts and said, "Come on. We better get out there before Randy has the neighborhood looking for us." The two grabbed their beers and headed outside.

Randy looked up and saw them coming out of the house and smirked. '**At least they're talking to each other,'** he thought. He looked around and sent his smirk to his husband; Glen just raised an eyebrow at him and shook his head.

John, with beer in hand, sat at the picnic table. "Hi, you're John right?" a voice asked. He looked up and saw that it was the woman who had brought Dameon into the ER. "We didn't get introduced earlier. I'm Becky, Randy's sister," Becky said holding out her hand. "Hi, Becky. Nice to meet you," John said smiling and shaking her hand. "Wow, you have a beautiful smile," she said out loud not really looking at John but behind him and caught the glare from Mark. She had heard Randy and Glen talking earlier and decided to give a hand. She smiled sweetly aiming it at Mark and walked away. Randy had seen the exchange and caught Becky's eye conveying to her that's enough. She smiled and nodded, it was ok though, she had her fun.

Randy announced that the food was ready and they all got plates of food to eat. John and Mark were sitting next to each other and quietly talking, nothing particular just talking about the town, weather, job and thankfully nothing personal to John's pleasure. He needed just general companionship; he didn't want any personal ties now. He felt a poke at his side and looked down. Dameon looked up and smiled, "You nice misser." "Well thank you Dameon, but you can call me John. OK?" he said. Dameon nodded and ran off to play with the other kids. "You have a cute kid, Mark," John said. "Yeah, he's a good boy. He's my youngest, the others are grown or live with their mothers," Mark explained. "His mom's not around?" John asked. "No, unfortunately she ran off right after he was born and we've never heard from her," Mark explained.

Joh felt bad for Dameon, he was a good kid. John never understood why people had children when they didn't deserve them. John was getting tired and he had to get up for work the next morning. So, after saying is goodbye and thanks for the invitation, he went home to bed and hopefully to sleep.

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	5. Chapter 5

John woke up the next morning after a surprisingly good night's sleep. He got up and ready for work and as he left for work he saw the boxes that held his memories. After looking at the closed boxes he decided that after work he would look through them when he got home that night.

**Later That Day**

John got home and looked around the house. It really did look drab. He wanted to decorate it a little; he first went to get the boxes. He sat down in the living room and opened the first box. It was full of pictures and wedding memorials. He picked up a big frame and carefully took the protective wrappings off it. It was a picture of Evan and him exchanging rings at the altar.

Evan looked so beautiful that day in his all white tux, making his dark hair and lightly tanned skin stand out even more. John let his fingers roam lightly over Evan's image as tears started to form in the corners of his eyes. He remembered how those big, brown expressive eyes filled with love as he had stared at John when they had said their vows and how tears of joy had slowly fallen down that cute face he had loved so much. He set that one carefully down on the floor.

The next one was a smaller one of them dancing at the reception, he looked at the picture and envisioned how it felt to hold Evan tightly in his arms dancing to their wedding song, 'Unchained Melodies', by The Righteous Brothers. He also remembered how he had made love to Evan all night long after the reception; he put that picture with his wedding one.

The next picture frame was his undoing; it was a picture of his beautiful little girl. It was a picture taken while still in the hospital, right after she had been born. She was in laying in the hospital crib, wrapped up in a pink blanket sleeping. He dropped the picture and covered his face with his hands as he cried.

He didn't know how long he had sat there like that but he heard someone knocking on his door. He slowly stood up, not really caring that he was still falling apart with tears streaming down his cheeks and not caring that the person at his door would see, he opened the door.

There standing on his porch was Mark. John stared at him in surprise wondering why he of all people was at his house. "Well, shit," Mark said as he saw the condition John was in and herded him quickly back into the house. As he shut John's door, he watched John walk zombie like to the couch sitting down and picking up the small frame again. He walked over to where John was and sat next to him noticing the pictures, he started putting some pieces together as to why John had answered his door with tears running down his cheeks. Mark started to lift his hand to soothe him but quickly put it back down. He wanted to console John but didn't know how to, because he didn't know exactly why John was so upset. So instead he silently sat there beside John until John was ready to tell him what was wrong.

After of sitting there in an uncomfortable silence, John looked at Mark and asked, "Do you want something to drink?" Mark said, "Sure, got any beer?" John nodded and grabbed two beers. He sat back down next to Mark, handing him one of the beers and taking a big swig out of his own. Mark watched John compose himself as he took a drink of his own beer and says, "Well, I had come by to see if you wanted to go down to the bar for a drink, but I think for tonight this is better."

"Yeah, thanks and sorry you had to see me like that," John apologized. "No need to apologize. Are you ok now?" Mark asked. "Yeah I think so," John said starting to tear up a little again. Mark finished his beer and said, "Maybe I should go." He started to get up but a hand on his shoulder stopped him and John said, "No, please stay for a little longer." John didn't understand why he asked Mark to stay, but he did want some companionship without going to a bar where there would be more people there and more noise. He didn't want to see strangers and have to deal with the noise, so having a beer or two with Mark at his house was just fine with him.

Mark looked at John and said, "Sure as long as I can get another beer." John let a small smile escape his lips saying, "Yeah, I'll go get a couple more." He brought Mark another one and sat back down. Mark looked at the pictures and asked, "Are you going to hang those?" John followed his gaze and thought for a long minute before answering, "Yeah. I've decided to make this place at least look lived in." "Want some help?" Mark asked wondering why because usually he didn't get involved many people's personal lives. John let another small smile be seen and nodded his head.

For the next hour or so, they looked through some more pictures and Mark either set them out on tables or helped hang them on the walls. Neither one of them spoke much but, neither felt that conversation was needed. They were just enjoying the companionship without having to worry about what they would say to each other. When they finished placing the pictures, they drank their beers and Mark went home.

Mark walked into his house thinking about John and their night. When John had answered his door with tears in his blue eyes Mark had wanted to know what had happened to cause him to be so upset. When John had let those small smiles pass on his lips, Mark had felt a small spark in his chest. He went to bed and fell asleep still thinking about John.

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	6. Chapter 6

**A Month Later**

After living in town for a little over a month, John has finally gotten his house looking like he actually lived in it. He had even become better friends with his neighbors, Becky and Randy, especially Randy, because they were around the same age. Sometimes they would hang out with all the kids or Randy would leave the kids with Glen and come hang out with him. John even went out to the bar with Mark a couple of times and Mark came by John's to have a beer a few times.

John had just gotten home from work and was relaxing when he started to think about Mark. After Mark had witnessed his breakdown and had stayed with him that day, he realized that he might be developing feelings for the older man. He still had no clue how Mark felt or if Mark could have feelings besides friendship for a man. He had serious doubts that it was more than friendship considering Dameon's mom was an ex-girlfriend of Mark's, but John decided he liked the man enough to want to keep him as a friend. John sighed, considering Mark as just a friend was fine with him. He didn't know if he could handle a relationship now anyway.

He was getting hungry and he had forgotten to take something out for dinner, so he grabbed his phone and keys deciding to go out to eat. He opened his front door and was surprised to see both Mark and Dameon standing there, Mark looked like he was about to knock on the door when John opened it. Mark looking somewhat surprised at the sudden opening of the door said, "Umm… we were going to go to the park and then grab some dinner. We were wondering if you wanted to join us." John smiled at the slight shy look Mark had while inviting John and said, "I was just going to go eat but a stop at the park sounds good."

"Yea, Johnny's comin'," Dameon yelled as he hopped down the steps dragging Mark with him. John smiled, it'd been awhile since he had been on this type of outing. They walked the short way to the park and Dameon immediately went for the sandbox. "Hold on boy," Mark said, "we're going to eat after, so no sandbox today." "Otay, Johnny, come push me?" Dameon asked Johnny pointing to the swings. "Sure buddy, come on." John said and helped him into a swing and pushed him for a bit. They played for a while and then Dameon started saying he was hungry.

They decided to go to the Little Town Diner on the edge of town and Mark said he would drive. Dameon entertained them on the way there by singing 'Merry had a Little Lamb'; John had to laugh as Dameon sang off- key. Mark gave him a side long glance and John said laughing, "I can't help it. You're son is cute." Mark gave a slight smile and shook his head as they pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. Mark got out of the car and grabbed Dameon out of his car seat saying, "Come on, let's go eat. You sang that song really well." Dameon beamed at his dad and wrapped his little arms around Mark's neck hugging him.

They walked in, sat down and a couple of minutes later their waitress came over to take their order. Mark ordered Dameon a hot dog and fries with apple juice and ordered himself the steak and mushroom dinner with a baked potato, green beans and a coke to drink. John got the fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn and a pepsi.

As they waited for their food, Mark said, "You're good with kids." John looked and said sadly, "A friend and I used to do things like this when we could." When they finished eating Dameon let out a little yawn, it was getting late and past his bedtime. Mark smiled at him and ruffled his hair saying, "I think it's time to head home, little man." Dameon reached for Mark and the three left. Since Dameon was sleeping when they pulled up to John's house, Mark decided to walk John to the door. John turned to Mark and said, "You didn't have to walk me to the door, Mark." "That's ok. I felt like it," Mark responded with a shrug. John opened his door and turned back to Mark to say good night, when Mark lowered his head and barely touched his lips to John's. John didn't jerk back, but looked in surprise at Mark as he put a finger to his lip. He then turned and almost slammed the door in Mark's face as he went into the house.

Mark stood on the porch for a second and thought '**shit, why'd I go and do that for'**. He needed to talk to somebody because he usually didn't go for men. In fact he only had one relationship with a man and obviously that didn't work out. He looked around and noticed that his brother's lights were on and he knew Glen wouldn't mind if Dameon crashed at their house while he talked to either Glen, Randy or both. He headed over there and knocked on their door. Glen answered the door and was surprised to see his brother standing there. Mark said, "Dameon's going to crash here tonight, because I need to talk to you. I think I just did something really stupid." Glen just nodded letting Mark and Dameon in.


	7. Chapter 7

Mark walked into the house with a sleeping Dameon and put him in Caleb's room. He went into the kitchen where Glen was sitting drinking a cup of coffee; Mark grabbed a cup also and sat at the table with him. "So, are you going to tell me why you came barging in here saying you need to talk or are we just going to play twenty questions?" Glen asked. "Is Randy home?" Mark asked. "No, he probably won't be home until after the bar closes," Glen informed Mark, "he has paper work to do." Mark actually was somewhat happy for that, even though he knew that Glen would tell Randy what they talked about tonight, he felt more at ease just talking to Glen now.

He sat there staring at the cup for a minute before saying, "I think I kissed John tonight." "You think you did? What do you mean?" Glen asked looking totally confused. "I invited him out to the park and dinner with Dameon and me," Mark started to say, "And Then when we got back to his house Dameon was sleeping so I decided to walk John to the door. He looked so vulnerable when he turned to say good night, I just couldn't help myself. I don't even know if our lips actually touched, I just leaned down and brushed mine to his." "What like a whisper in the wind?" Glen couldn't resist teasing his brother.

Mark just glared at his brother and said, "I don't know. I'm not like you and Randy, Glen. Shit, I had one 4 month relationship with a man before Dameon was even thought of. Hell, Mike was more like a 4 month fuck buddy and since then it's been either no one or one night stands with women. That kiss with John, no matter how light, was different. I don't know how to describe it or what it was, but it was… different." Glen noticed that Mark kept using the word different and sighed. He thought he knew what it was, but it wouldn't help his brother for him to tell him. Mark would have to figure out his feelings himself or maybe with the help of one other person, and Glen knew that person wasn't him.

"Did John seem angry or upset about it?" Glen asked. Mark said no and thought '**No, he looked as confused as I feel'. ** "Well, then all you have to do is figure out why that kiss felt different and I can't tell you how you feel. I can say that since this type of relationship is relatively new to you, take it slow, I mean it Mark. You don't want to hurt him and you have more to worry about than yourself in this. Let Dameon stay here tonight and go home, get some sleep. You're not going to figure this out overnight, it'll take a little time," Glen finished saying.

Mark had to admit that Glen was right, so he eventually agreed and went home. He walked into his house as confused as ever, what he said to Glen was true. He wasn't like Glen and Randy, as men they loved each other and they didn't care what others thought. It was true that he had that thing with Mike years ago, but did that make him gay or bi? He sat on his bed and rubbed his face. It was true that the kiss with John was different than when he had kissed Mike, hell it was different from kissing all the women he had. Maybe Glen was right; he wasn't going to figure it out tonight. He decided that he just needed to get some sleep and maybe things would be clearer in the morning.

Meanwhile, John was having confused thoughts of his own. He had seen Mark's expression before he almost slammed the door in his face. He hadn't looked disgusted just as extremely shocked and confused as John was. John just hadn't thought that Mark would kiss him, as far as he knew Mark hadn't been with a man so he didn't think Mark would have an interest in him. He had to admit that he liked the little kiss that Mark had given him and he wouldn't mind if they went further. The question still remained about how Mark felt. This last month he had enjoyed having the company of Mark when they were together and when he slipped into bed that night he hoped that wouldn't change.

John had the day off so he took his time waking up and getting ready for the day. He took a shower and did his daily bathroom routine and then went downstairs to make breakfast. He made himself some eggs, bacon, toast and coffee. He sat down and ate thinking about what he could do today. He didn't want to sit at home alone so he thought he might go see if Randy was home for the day.

He walked outside and saw Randy sitting on his porch watching the four kids play. He walked across the street and up to the porch, "Morning Randy," he said. Randy smiled and said, "Hi John. What are you up to today?" "Not much, just thought I'd come by and see what you were doing," explained John. "Well, I actually have the day off today also. If you don't mind hanging out with kids you're welcome to join us," Randy said hopefully. John smiled and nodded. That's when Dameon noticed John sitting there and came running over. "Johnny," he screamed as he threw himself at John giving him a big hug, "Do you have a wowwypop for me?" John surprised by the hug, chuckled, "No, sorry bud. Maybe later though I'll get all you guys a treat. Okay?" Dameon nodded and ran back to playing with the others.

Randy smiled at John's interaction with Dameon. Glen had told him the whole story before he had left for work that morning and Randy was seriously hoping that Mark didn't mess up. He knew John was a good guy and would be good for the both of them.

**Please Review.**


	8. Chapter 8

John helped Randy make lunch and with the kids to wash up before eating. It was such a nice day that Randy set the food out on the picnic table for everyone to eat. The kids happily sat eating their sandwiches and drinking juice because John had promised to take them for ice cream afterwards.

When lunch was over they walked to the corner store and John bought everyone ice cream. Randy and Alanna got chocolate, Jeffrey got Superman ice cream, and John got Rocky Road. John got Dameon and Caleb double chocolate – chocolate Chip. On the way back, Caleb and Dameon got tired and wanted to be carried the rest of the way. Randy and John picked each of the boys up carrying them back to the house.

Randy watched how gentle John was with Dameon and smiled. It was obvious to Randy that Dameon adored John. He was always asking where Johnny was or if he was coming over. Randy just hoped that his nephew nor John would be hurt. They reached the house putting the two boys to bed while Alanna and Jeffrey played outside.

John was sitting on the couch when Randy brought in a couple of cokes to drink. Randy handed John a coke and sat down. He took a long drink while looking at John and said, "You know John, you are really good with the kids. They really seem to like you."

John didn't say anything and Randy was surprised to see a tear sliding slowly down John's face. He leaned over and gently shaking John's shoulder said worriedly, "John? Hey, John!"

John's eyes snapped to Randy's in surprise and he wiped the tear from his cheek when he realized he had been lost in thought. Even though it has been five months and he was starting to consider Randy a good friend, he wasn't ready to talk about Evan and Alisha. It still hurt too much.

John gave a small sad smile and said, "Sorry." Randy smiled back saying, "You don't have to be sorry. Are you okay?" John nodded and Randy looked at the time. It was about time to start dinner so he said, "I'm making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Do you want to give me a hand?"

John was about to answer when they heard Caleb and Dameon calling for them. John chuckled, "I'll go look after those two little devils while you start dinner."

`Randy laughed and went into the kitchen to start dinner. John brought the boys to the toy room and all three played with Caleb's Lego's. John was helping to build a robot when Glen and Mark walked in. The two boys jumped up and yelled, "Daddy!" at the same time causing John to laugh. Mark looked toward the laughter and saw John sitting among a pile of Lego's.

He thought that John's laughter and his dimples gave him a little boy quality that was cute. He smiled at that thought and went to sit by him and Dameon. The three of them sat there playing with Lego's. They finished the robot and Dameon stood up and clapped his hands. "Johnny, make 'nother one, pwease," Dameon pleaded.

Mark smiled and grabbed his son, tickling Dameon's sides and he fell laughing onto Mark's lap. "I think dinner's almost done. Why don't you go ask Uncle Randy?" Mark told his son. After Dameon ran out of the room to ask Randy about dinner, Mark helped John put the Lego's away. They had just finished when Randy announced that dinner was ready.

Randy had made sure that Mark sat next to John at dinner. Randy smiled and Glen just rolled his eyes. He was probably going to have to save his husband from Mark's wrath later if the death looks that Mark was sending Randy's way were any indication.

Mark was going to have to talk to Randy later. He didn't mind sitting next to John, but he didn't like being manipulated. He was still unsure of his feelings and unsure of John. When he had helped put up the photos at John's house, he could guess that John was married before and that he had a little girl. It worried him that John still hadn't mentioned them and wondered himself what happened.

Since it was impossible to have a conversation at dinner with the kids being there, Mark wanted to talk to John later. Right then though Mark was having a hard time dealing with the accidental touches that were sending the same 'different' feelings that the little kiss the night before had. Mark prayed silently to God that dinner wouldn't last longer, he needed some breathing room.

His prayers were soon answered and dinner hadn't lasted longer. After the kids settled down and everything cleaned up, the adults sat around the kitchen table having coffee.

Randy wanting to help Mark get to know John better, asked, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" "Nope, I'm an only child," John answered. "Is there someone special waiting for you to send for them now that you're more settled here?" was Randy's next question. John's face went white and he stuttered out, "N-no, excuse me I almost forgot, I have to work tomorrow. I should get going." The next second John was walking out the door.

Glen did a face palm and Mark wanted to kick Randy under the table but went after John instead. "John..," Mark said to catch John's attention when he caught up to him. John turned around and looked at Mark.

John sighed when he heard Mark's voice and turned around with slightly damp eyes. "Mark, don't worry. I know he was just being a friend and get to know me better. I probably would've done the same thing. I mean I have been here a month and talk to all of you every day and yet you still don't know much about me." John's voice was starting to crack slightly, "I know you've seen the photos and have questions Mark. I'm just not ready to talk yet." Mark did the only thing he could think of at a time like this. He wrapped John in a big hug and said, "It's okay, John. You're a friend and when you want to talk we will listen." He was hoping that John was taking him seriously, because he meant what he said.

**Please Review: Hope I didn't make Randy out too much as a small town gossiper, if I did then sorry. Again please Review, the good, the bad, the ugly always welcomed.**


	9. Chapter 9

**John pulled back from the hug slightly to look at Mark when he noticed that Mark was staring at him. He started to reach up to Mark's face but pulled his hand back. Mark saw the action and snapped out of his daze. **

"**You better get home, John," Mark said as he released John from the hug. John nodded and Mark watched him walk home. Mark walked back into the house and thought it sounded like WWIII in the kitchen. Dameon and Caleb came running down the hall crying, so Mark picked them both up. "What's wrong boys?" he asked. "Daddies fight," Caleb said through tears and Dameon nodded. Mark went to where Al and Jeffrey were trying to ignore the fight by watching TV. He set both boys down and said, "Al, Jeff, take these two upstairs and I'll try to calm your dads down." The two nodded and the younger boys followed them upstairs.**

**Mark walked into the kitchen just as Glen was yelling, "You lied, you promised you wouldn't get involved. If I wanted a nosy, gossipy, busy body I would've married a one." Randy just stared as Glen grabbed his keys and walked out the door.**

**He watched as Randy just slumped in the kitchen chair and put his head in his hands. "Sorry Mark," Randy said. "It's ok. John didn't take it personally, he knew you were being a friend," Mark told him. "Randy, what did you feel when you first kissed Glen?" Mark asked. Randy looked up at him and said, "It felt right, Mark. It felt good and right with him. He was the one I wanted to be with."**

**Mark just nodded with a thoughtful expression on and said, "I'll go see if he's calmed down, while you get the kids ready for bed. I'll get Dameon when I come back." Randy went upstairs while Mark went to get his brother.**

**Mark walked outside and looked towards John's house thoughtfully, then he shook his head looking for his brother. Glen hadn't gone anywhere he was sitting in his truck and when he saw Mark walking toward him, he growled. Mark arched an eyebrow at Glen and said "Don't growl at me boy. I'm not the one you're angry with." Glen sighed, "I know, but he lied. He promised he wouldn't get involved in your life." **

"**Well, he apologized, now go make up with him," Mark said and started to walk away but turned around saying, "Tell him I'll get Dameon when I come back." Glen started to ask where he was going when he saw Mark heading to John's house. He smirked and walked into his house.**

**As Mark walked to John's he realized that Randy may be right. That one of the 'different' feelings that he had felt when he first 'kissed' John was that this was 'right'. The second feeling was simpler to know, he wanted to. When he had John in his arms earlier he realized that he wanted to kiss the younger man. He reached John's house and it was still light out, so he figured even if John had work tomorrow he would still be awake. **

_**At John's House**_

**After leaving the arms of Mark, John walked into his own house. It felt cold, lonely compared to the warm, safe feeling of being in Mark's arms. John sighed as he walked further in his house. The light from outside was starting to dim so he switched the living room lamp on. He was greeted by the large wedding photo of Evan and him on the wall that Mark had helped hang a month earlier. **

**He slowly walked to it and ran his fingers over the visual of Evan standing opposite of him at the altar. 'Evan, love, I need your help.' John thought has he stared at Evan, 'I know you wouldn't want me to stay lonely, but am I ready to move on? I've met a man, he's nice, but I don't know if he's ever been with another man. Hell, I don't know if he's interested in men. Isn't there a sign or something you can send me?' John sighed and headed upstairs to change when he heard a knock at his door. **

**Opening his front door, John met a finger to his lips and was gently guided back into the house. He looked up and saw a storm of mixed emotions in Mark's eyes. Mark shut the door and gently pushed John against the nearest wall with his finger staying on John's lips.**

**Mark looked into those blue eyes and saw the confusion in them as he bent his head to capture those lips that haunted his thoughts day and night. He gently kissed John's lips at first and when John offered no resistance, he added more force to the kiss. Mark licked John's lip asking entrance and John readily opened his lips, feeling Mark slide his tongue into his mouth. John almost moaned into the sensations that Mark's tongue was causing, he let Mark explore every part of his mouth.**

**Mark's tongue started to coax John's into a tantalizing tongue tango and John wrapped his arms around Mark's neck pulling him closer. Mark growled his approval and pulled John closer to him by the hips. Mark was beginning to think that Randy had been right. Kissing and being this close to John felt right and good, despite a nagging little voice in a deep corner of his mind telling him something was wrong.**

**Mark pulled John slightly closer and John moaned into the kiss. Mark smirked as he deepened the kiss, and started to move his hands under John's shirt exploring his body. As he kissed John, his hands traveled across John's taut stomach and six-pack. His hands lifted John's shirt little by little until it reached John's chest and his hands started to lightly message the well muscled chest. John's breath hitched and Mark let his lips travel John's jaw and to his neck. **

**Mark wanted to go further but the 9 o'clock chiming of John's clock, Mark's senses came back to him. He looked at the time and saw a reminder of why he thought something was off or wrong. He gently put some space between him and John. He noticed the worried look on John's face and smirked. He lightly kissed John on the lips hoping to somewhat reassure him and said, "I will come to see you again, but you have work tomorrow and I have to get my son." Mark saw some of the apprehension leave John's eyes and gave him a quick, soft kiss good-bye before walking out the door.**

_**Please Review…**_


	10. Chapter 10

**John stayed supported against his wall for a minute before attempting to move. 'Well, I wanted a sign and I sure received one' he thought when he finally moved away from the wall. John rose off the floor and walked over to the picture and whispered, "Thank you," before heading to bed.**

**Mark walked into the house toward the kitchen and stopped at the archway. Glen had Randy wrapped in a passionate making up kiss. When it looked like they were going to break, Mark "Ahem'd" and waited. They both looked his way; Randy smirked and said, "Soooo…." Mark sighed and admitted, "You were right. It felt good and it felt right," with that said he turned on both their smirking faces and went to take Dameon home.**

**The next morning John woke up and got ready for work. He was walking downstairs when his beeper went off. He looked at his beeper and quickly called in. He was told to get to the hospital because there had been a serious accident on the highway coming into town. 'Shit', he thought as he grabbed an apple and ran out to his car. **

**Arriving at the hospital in what he thought was record time and thanking god that he hadn't been pulled over, he ran into the ER. The emergency room was crowded and hectic, John was told to get go to the operating room. He walked into the room and noticed that his assistant and nurses were waiting on him. He walked to the bed and froze. There on the bed was a little girl whom bore a striking resemblance to Alisha. **

**The long brown hair, the shape of the face and John imagined big brown eyes staring at him. He stood there frozen; sweat starting to drip from his mask and the nurses trying to snap him out of his daze. "Dr. Cena," one of the nurses said, "What do you want us to do?"**

**All John could do was stand there until he felt a hand on his shoulder snapping him out of his daze. "Dr. Cena please go and help ER. I'll take over from here," Director Dr. Helmsley said. **

**John nodded and walked out of the room. As he walked down the hall he ripped his mask off and berated himself. He couldn't believe he had done something so unprofessional freezing up like that. He thought that maybe he was over what had happened or at least wouldn't freak out. He stopped at the corner of the hall and took a deep calming breath; he knew he couldn't walk out to the ER like he was. He also knew that Dr. Helmsley would want to talk to him after his shift.**

**The rest of the day he spent in ER helping them clear out the accident victims. It took them until two hours before quitting time to clear out or make sure the victims that had to stay were in rooms. The last two hours were just minor walk-ins. John was just coming out of one of the patients' room when Dr. Helmsley called him to his office.**

**He walked into the director's office and saw that Dr. Helmsley had his file out again. "Have a seat Dr. Cena," the Director said. John sat down and waited for the director to say something else. **

"**What happened in there, John?" a concerned Dr. Helmsley asked. John looked sadly and said, "I don't know. I – I just froze. She reminded me of Alisha." **

"**Well I can't have my top ER Doctor freezing every time he remembers an incident." "I know, I promise it won't happen again," John promised. "That's fine John, but because of the seriousness of this incident I have to give you a disciplinary action," Dr. Helmsley sadly said, "I'm giving you two weeks paid off to take care of what you need to. I don't care if you have to talk to someone, go visit your family, whatever, but I want this resolved when you come back. Do you understand me?" "Yes, sir," John answered as he started to stand up to leave. "John, I am sorry," Dr. Hemlsley said lastly. "I know, thank you," John said and walked out the door. **

**John walked dejectedly to his car got in and rested his head on the steering wheel. He actually felt lucky; the Director had every right to fire him. He had made a very amateur mistake; he should not have let his feelings come into play. He was just happy that the little girl was ok and that the Director had been there to take over. He started driving home and then changed his mind. He headed towards Randy's bar, he needed a couple of drinks to take his mind off the bad day he had. **

**John walked into the bar and gave a little smile when he saw Randy was tending it tonight. John found a seat at the bar and waited for Randy to get to him. The bar was a little busy and Randy was the only bartender. When Randy finally got to John, he gave a small smile and asked, "You have a bad day, John?" "Yea, you could say that," John answered, "Can I get a couple of beers to start with?" Randy gave him a sad smile and brought his beer to him saying, "The first one's on me."**

**A couple of hours and a few more beers later, Randy noticed that John had wandered out to the small dance floor. He smiled as he saw John dancing between a blond women and a blond man, then he frowned. He recognized one of John's dancing partners and pulled out his phone. He knew he might be getting involved again but he didn't want to see his friend get hurt. He dialed the number and as he waited for an answer, he noticed John's keys on the bar and grabbed them putting them in his pocket. Finally the person he was calling answered and all he said was, "Yea, I need you to come to the bar." After getting an affirmative answer, he waited keeping as close an eye on John as well as he could until help arrived.**

_**Please Review…..**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Randy watched John as close as possible waiting for someone to get there. He watched as the dirty blond man started to grind against John and although John looked a little uncomfortable, he was moving in synch. **

**Randy was thinking of leaving the bar and going to the dance floor to grab John off it when Mark walked in. Mark walked over to the busy bar and asked, "What's the problem, Randy." While pouring a customer's drinks, Randy pointed toward the dance floor. Mark stared out at the dance floor and found John. He was just going to watch until John came back up to the bar when he saw Mike. John and Mike were really starting to get into the flow of the music.**

**Mark leaned back against the bar and said, "Give me a drink, Randy. They're just dancing for now; if it becomes more I'll stop them. How long has he been here?" **

**Randy thought for a minute while pouring Mark's drink and then said, "He's been here a couple of hours. When he walked in he looked a little upset and ordered two beers upfront. Since then he drank a couple of shots and a couple more beers. I'm not sure how many exactly, but I've already grabbed his keys."**

**Mark nodded his head watching John and Mike dancing. Mike he knew could dance, but John surprised him. He was easily matching Mike move for move. He realized soon that he was having a hard problem himself watching the two, especially John. **

**He knew he had to do something when Mike went to take John's shirt off and John was trying to do the same with Mike. He stood up and made his way through the crowded bar to the dance floor.**

**He reached the dancing couple right when John started to pull Mike's shirt to his chest. Mark put a hand on John's shoulder and John turned around frowning until he saw it was Mark. He smiled, giving Mark the benefit of seeing his dimples, threw his arms around his neck and said slightly slurred, "Mark, you're here. Do you wanna dance?"**

**Mark smiled slightly as he realized that John wasn't as drunk as he was acting. "No, John," Mark said, "I'm here to take you home." As the couple turned to leave, Mark felt hands slide under the back of his shirt and felt his skin crawl. **

"**Mike, don't do that. We're over and have been for a long time," Mark said. John's smiled went to a small frown as he looked questioningly at Mark. Mark knew he would have to tell him something when they got out of there.**

"**But Mark, we were good together at one time," Mike said, "We could have a three some." **

**Mark laughed harshly saying, "We weren't good together, Mike. We only lasted about four months and you know why we broke up." John was still staring at Mark but, looked a little relieved that him and Mike hadn't lasted that long.**

"**But Mark, that was soo long ago," Mike practically whined as he hooked a finger in Mark's jean belt loop and slightly pulled Mark to a stop. "We did have some good and happy times," Mike smiled as Mark turned to Mike at that and his hand went John's side subconsciously pulling him closer.**

"**Look Mike, unless you want me to arrest you for disorderly conduct and harassing the Sheriff then leave us alone," Mark irritated said. **

"**But Mark…," Mike started to say but was stopped by a shocking scene.**

**John, who was now coming off his slightly drunken high, knew that the situation was starting to make Mark uncomfortable. They were gaining more of an audience, so John thought that he couldn't make anything worse. He stepped closer to Mark, gently making him look his way, John gently and softly kissed Mark. Mark responded a second later, gently kissing John back before breaking it a couple of minutes later with a look of gratitude and confusion at John. **

**Mark turned his attention back to Mike and said, "Mike, just go home, sleep it off and believe me when I say we are never getting back together in any way." Mark turned away from Mike and started to walk with John up to the bar.**

**Randy stood cross armed, smirking behind the bar when the two walked up. "Nice show guys," he said as he set a couple of beers on the counter. **

**Mark just smirked back at Randy and John rolled his eyes. They both sat at the bar while Randy went back to serving the other customers. Not knowing what to say or start a conversation, they both drank their beers in silence. **

**John finally was tired of the silence, setting his beer down he asked, "Mark, where does this leave us?" **

**Mark sighed and set the bottle down saying, "I don't know, but I do know a couple of things. What these feelings are and knowing where they lead us, won't help unless we open up to each other. Look why don't I take you home and…." John interrupted Mark at that point and said, "No. I don't want to be alone tonight. If I go home, I'll just drink until I pass out." **

**Mark looked into John's sad blue eye and couldn't say no, so instead he said, "All right, I'll take you with me but we're going to talk soon. Come on let's go. Randy, we're leaving." **

**Randy looked their way and said, "Okay, and don't worry John. I have your keys so you're car will be fine." **

**John nodded and followed Mark out to his truck. They got in and headed to Mark's house. They didn't say anything until after walking in the house.**

**Mark set his keys on the hallway table and asked, "It's a little after midnight, but do you want a coffee or water?" John said, "I know it's a little late but coffee sounds good."**

**Mark nodded and said, "The living room is to the right. You can go in there, relax and turn the TV on if you want to." John nodded and went to the living room while Mark made the coffee.**

_**Please Review…**_


	12. Chapter 12

**When they had first pulled up to the house, John thought that it was a small ranch style, now that he was inside it was bigger than it looked. He walked into the living room and was surprised by the warm feeling it gave off. The room was in warm, soft muted browns and off to the one side was a stone fireplace built into the chimney. Along the wall on the same side of the room as the fireplace, were built in cubbies with pictures standing in them were built in book shelves.**

**In the middle of the room stood a nice sized, comfortable looking sectional couch that had a table with a lamp at the corners and a wood coffee table in front of the couch. There was a wooden cabinet across from the couch against the wall and mounted on the wall above it was a big screen TV.**

**The last piece of furniture was a recliner that sat between the fire-place and the couch. John could easily see Mark sitting in it while he relaxed as he watched tv or read.**

**John walked around the room and stopped in front of the photos. Most of them were pictures of Dameon; some were of Dameon and Mark, while a couple was of Glen, Randy and their kids. He smiled as he looked at the pictures with Dameon and Mark. He thought they looked cute and happy as a family.**

**Mark walked in with the cups of coffee and watched John look at the pictures. He smiled at the little jump of surprise John made when he turned around and saw Mark standing there watching him look at the photos.**

"**Why don't we sit down?" Mark asked, "I know you want to know about Mike, even though there's not much to tell."**

**John sat on the couch and took the cup of coffee from Mark while Mark sat in his recliner.**

"**About five years ago, Mike and I had a four-month relationship," Mark started his story, "I had just come out of another bad relationship with a women and Mike was the town slut. I guess alcohol and curiosity don't mix well because one morning I found myself waking up after a night of sex with Mike. We stretched a relationship of sex, lies, and cheating to four months. Finally I got tired of his cheating and me trying to make a relationship out of curiosity, so I ended it." After telling his short story, he looked at John and saw a little of hurt in those blue eyes.**

**John looked at Mark with a hurt in his eyes while thinking, **_**'so, does that mean the kiss a last night was…but, Mark's reaction at the bar wasn't just curiosity….no, there's only one way to find out.' **_** John got off the couch and moved to where Mark was sitting.**

**Mark was going to say something until he saw John move towards him. He silently watched as John kneeled between his legs and ran his hands up Mark's thighs.**

**Mark reached down gently lifting John's head up more by his chin and then leaning down slightly so that they were about eye to eye, he asked, "John, what are you doing?"**

**John looking into Mark's eyes smirked saying, "An experiment." He then leaned closer to Mark and started to kiss him. Mark growled into the kiss and pulled John onto his lap. Mark took the kiss over as John gripped his shoulder's to get his balance and he felt Mark's tongue glide over his bottom lip asking entrance. **

**Mark groaned at the taste of John as his tongue explored his mouth, he tasted sweet and pure John. He mapped out John's mouth and then started to cajole John's tongue to play with his. John moaned, he was breathing heavily through his nose and he wanted more of Mark. He had a hand on the back of Mark's head pressing them closer to deepen the kiss and taste more of Mark.**

**John needing air broke the kiss moaning Mark's name and Mark said, "I know…come on bedroom." They got up and John followed Mark to his bedroom.**

**When they got to the room, John didn't get a chance to look around because Mark pinned him against the wall. Mark was sucking on John's neck and his hands were pulling up John's shirt. **

**Mark backed off and said, "Strip." **

**John nodded starting to strip, but stopped and looked at Mark. "Ummmm….," John started to say and Mark looked at him, "will you still be able to…. after seeing me naked?"**

**Mark smirked and taking John's hand gently brought it to the bulge in his jeans. "If just thinking about you makes me like this, I doubt that it'll go away seeing you naked. I want this, I want you John," Mark said assuredly.**

**They both finished undressing and Mark led John to the bed. John lay on his back with his legs spread so Mark could fit in between them.****Kneeling in between John's legs, Mark took a minute to admire the body under him. His eyes roamed from the well muscled, chest and shoulders all the down to John's hard member where a pearly white liquid had already started to gather.**

**Mark moved over him, capturing John's lips in kissing him slowly and leaning on a forearm, his free hand roamed John's body and he lightly rolled his hips against his lover. Mark broke the kiss to reach over to his desk drawer and found the lube. As he was lubing his fingers, John squeezed his shoulder to get Mark's attention.**

**When he had Mark's attention he blushed and embarrassedly said, "I've never been a bottom before."**

**Mark smiled and said reassuringly, "I will be gentle for you."**

**Mark sat up more putting one of John's legs on his shoulder for better access, and then finished lubing his fingers. He poured some lube in John's crevice and watched it run down to the soft pink hole. Then he took his finger and circled the hole making sure it was nice and moist. **

**When John started to moan Mark looked up to watch John's facial expressions and slowly pushed a finger in. John cringed and grunted as Mark's finger went passed the ring of muscle.**

**Mark stopped and said, "It's ok, relax." Mark took his free hand and started to slowly pump John now half erect cock to full and to hopefully distract him from the pain.**

**When he felt John relax, Mark slowly moved his finger in and out of him. "God, John, you're so tight," Mark said as his finger continued sliding in and out of the hot, tight tunnel. When Mark heard John moan, he added another finger and since John didn't react in so much pain, started scissoring him to stretch him out more. **

**He searched for that bundle he knew would have John moaning in ecstasy. He didn't have to search for long, one of his fingers pressed on the bundle and John moaned loudly, "Fuck...right unn there...Mark." Mark smirked and added a third finger.**

**Soon John was moaning and writhing under Mark in pleasure. Mark stopped stroking and pulled his fingers out making John mewl his displeasure.**

"**Shhh baby…you'll get something better," Mark said as he lubed and his cock lining it up. He bent over to distract John by kissing him as he started to push in. He pushed past the ring of muscle when he swallowed John's scream and felt him clench around his cock.**

**He stopped kissing John and moved to his ear whispering, "Shh baby…you have to breathe and relax...you're suffocating me." He felt John start to control his breathing and relax. Mark started pushing slowly in, still whispering encouragements and when he was totally sheathed he stopped moving. **

**Soon Mark was all in and whispered, "I'm all in babe. You did really well, just tell me when you're ready for me to move." John nodded and Mark waited for his signal to move. As he waited he stroked John's face and kissed him. Soon he felt John push gently against him, taking that as his signal he started moving slowly in and out of John. **

**As Mark moved he grunted out, "You feel so good….so tight...beautiful."**

**John suddenly screamed and his back arched harshly, "there...More… faster," he managed to grunt out between pleasured moans and grunts. Mark sped up and looked down at John. He was thrashing, cursing and stroking himself in time with Mark's thrusts. The sight sent Mark over the edge and he came grunting out John's name, John was only a few strokes behind and came yelling Mark's name. Catching their breaths, John pulled Mark down for a gentle kiss before passing out and Mark covered them both with the blankets before he passed out. **

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	13. Chapter 13

**John woke up the next morning a little groggy and sore. As he stretched he heard the sounds of a shower running and slowly he opened his eyes. He sat up suddenly and pain shot up his spine as he remembered everything from the night before. He remembered it all from freezing up in the operating room yesterday to going to Randy's Bar and getting drunk. He even remembered Mike and coming home with Mark.**

'_**Oh, god,'**_** John thought,**_** 'What have I done? Evan….Alisha, I'm so sorry.'**_** He heard the shower running and memories of the night came back. **_**'Mark, what am I going to tell him? I thought I was ready but, I'm not.' **_** John sat on the bed with tears streaming down his face thinking about the events of the night. He knew when Mark opened up about Mike it had hurt him slightly, and yet he still told John about it. Mark was ready to move on and from his actions made it clear that he wanted to with John. He remembered Mark being so gentle and the sex….it had felt amazing. **

**Suddenly John thought clearly; he knew what he needed to do to move on and unfortunately he was going to hurt the man he was starting to have feelings for. **

**As quickly as he could through his soreness, he started to collect his clothes and get dressed. So engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed the water shut off nor heard the bathroom door open, so when he took a step and a sudden burst of pain shot up his back almost making his leg buckle, he yelped a little in surprise at an arm suddenly wrapped around his waist and pulled him into a hard, warm body.**

"**You should've known you'd be a little sore from last night," Mark's deep voice said against his ear. He pulled John on the bed to sit next to him and asked, "Where are you going, Johnny boy?" **

**Fresh tears started to flow from John's eyes as he remembered who used to call him by 'Johnny', as he said in a shaky voice, "I have to leave Mark. I'm sorry, there's something I have to do." He let the tears flow freely when he looked into the eyes that only seconds before were looking at him with care and worry, were now watching him with anger, hurt and an accusatory look of being used.**

"**It's ok John, I understand," Mark said the anger, hurt and accusation flowing through his voice hitting John like a slap in the face. "Just let me finish getting dressed and I'll drop you off," Mark said as he grabbed the rest of his uniform and finished dressing.**

"**Mark, I….," John said, but Mark interrupted him saying gruffly, "John not another word, come on, it's time to leave."**

**John followed Mark out the door and to his truck. Needless to say the ride to John's house was silent and as they pulled into John's driveway, John tried to talk again, "I'm…," again he was interrupted by Mark's cold gaze and Mark growling out, "Not another word, John."**

**John jumped out of the truck and practically ran inside his house. The second his front door shut, John slid down it pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them. He put his head down and cried.**

**After a couple of minutes, John lifted his head dried his eyes and stood up. He grabbed his phone off the table and dialed the airport. He was able to get a ticket but he had to hurry, he only had an hour and a half before his flight. He ran up the stairs to pack as he dialed another number and when someone picked up he said, "Hi mom, I'm coming home for a few weeks. Can I stay there?" His mom said of course he could come back home, he hung up with her and dialed for a taxi. About twenty minutes later, John headed out his front door to the taxi that waited for him. He jumped in the taxi and took off toward the airport not knowing that a pair of green eyes watched him from across the street.**

**After John had left his truck, Mark had watched him hurry into his house. When he saw the door shut, he slammed his fist against the steering wheeling and yelled, "Shit!" He backed out of the drive way and parked across the street in front of Randy's house. He stormed into the house and to the kitchen where Glen and Randy were having coffee. **

**Randy and Glen both just looked at Mark as he walked to counter and got himself a cup of coffee. The couple just stared at Mark as he turned around and said, "I don't want to hear one word come out of either your mouths." Neither said a word and went back to making breakfast and getting ready for work.**

**It was about forty-five minutes later when Mark and Glen walked out of the house to go to work that Mark noticed John getting into the taxi. Mark looked at Glen and said, "Let's just get to work Glen. I might talk to you about it later." Glen just nodded and they got into Mark's truck going to work.**

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	14. Chapter 14

_**A Week Later**_

**Mark was at his brother's house to pick up Dameon. He walked into the backyard where everyone was when Dameon ran up to with a piece of paper. **

"**Daddy, I drew piture fur Johnny. We go give to him," he said happily.**

"**Look, Dameon…," Mark started to say exasperated, because Dameon had asked about John every day, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.**

"**Dameon," Glen said, "Why don't you go show Uncle Randy you're nice picture?"'**

**After Dameon ran off to show Uncle Randy his picture, Glen turned to his brother. "Okay Mark, you need to get your head together," Glen said, "Ever since John left you've snapped at everyone. He's not Mike, Mark. He didn't sleep around or lie, he didn't have time too. He was either at work, with you or here."**

"**But, he was leaving…," Mark started to say, but Glen interrupted. "You know he's not like Dameon's mom. You know he left like that because you wouldn't let him explain. You told me that he kept trying to explain until you dropped him off, but you didn't want to hear it. So how about you let him explain when he gets back, if he still wants to," Glen said.**

"**You're right, Glen," Mark had to admit, "When did my younger brother get wiser than me?" "Since you became stupid because of a man," Glen answered with a chuckle.**

**Mark looked across the street towards John's house, feeling guilty for how things were left that day. He knew Glen was right and if he wanted to try to work things out with John, he would have to apologize to him when he came back. **

* * *

**John stretched as he struggled to wake up that morning. He already had been in his home town for a week and he still hadn't done all he came home to do. This was actually the last day he could settle everything, because he was going back to Dakota in a couple of days. So he slowly got up and started to get ready to do the one thing he came to do.**

**As he finished getting ready and headed out the door, his thoughts went to the task at hand. He headed to the florist shop first and picked out two bouquets. The first one was a small one; it had a couple of pink lilies, some purple and pink carnations and a couple of lavender chrysanthemums. This one would go on Alisha's grave, pink and lavender being her favorite colors. **

**The second one was a mixture of white calla lilies and red roses. This one John had them put a half dozen of each flower type and adorn it with a few sprigs of babies' breath. After paying for both bouquets, John went on his way to the cemetery. **

**John stopped in front of two gravesites and walked up to them with the bouquets in hand. He stopped in front of the smaller grave and set the smaller bouquet on it. **

"**Hi, my angel," John said, "I've missed my baby girl. I'm sorry I didn't come before. I was in denial sweet heart; your dad just couldn't believe that you were gone. I hope you know that the day your daddy and I signed the adoption papers, was the one of the happiest of our lives and we had seven wonderful years of loving you. I just hope you know how much I miss and love you."**

**He moved to the grave next to it and set the bouquet on it. As he stood there, not really knowing what to say at first, fresh tears started to fall down his face. He let himself fall to his knees and let the tears fall freely to relieve some of his sadness and guilt.**

**As he knelt in front of the grave, he ran his hand over the name on it. "Oh my baby boy, how I miss you," he cried through his tears, "We were together 10 years Evan, but the day I married you seven years ago was the happiest of my life. Then when we signed the adoption papers and I watched you hold Alisha for the first time, I knew I never could be happier."**

**He stopped talking for a minute, wiped his eyes and then continued, "I know you wouldn't want me to be alone the rest of my life, and to do that I want a fresh start. I realize now that doesn't mean that I need to forget my life with you and Alisha but that I need to forgive myself. While I sat at mom and dad's this week, I realized that I have to believe that I did everything I could that night to save you and Alisha. The second part is that I have to believe that you don't blame me, and that you somehow know I did all I could."**

**With one last pause, he spoke again, " There have been a couple of events these last three months that have led me to believe I could have that fresh start and I hope they continue. I just want you to know that no matter what happens in the future, I will always love you both very much." **

**He stood after he finished speaking and a gust of wind blew a leaf across his cheek. To John it was as gentle as a thumb stroke, he smiled and whispered, "Thank you Evan, I love you." He then turned and walked away.**

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	15. Chapter 15

**John arrived back at his house in Dakota and noticed that Randy had driven his car home from the bar and parked it in the driveway. He decided to stop by Randy's a little later to thank him and get his keys back.**

**He went into his house and opened the windows to air it out. He put his things away, did what little cleaning he had, and then made himself some lunch. He finished lunch and decided to go see Randy. **

**John knocked on Randy's door hoping he was the only one home. He wasn't ready to deal with anyone else yet, so when the door opened and it was Randy who stood there he was quite glad.**

**Randy opened the door, seeing who it was, gave John a big hug saying, "Hi John. It's good to see you." John smiled hugging him back and said, "Hey Randy, good to see you too." Randy released John and stepped aside so that John could enter. As he did, little feet were heard running towards the door and Dameon came running yelling, "Johnny, you back."**

**John looked down fondly at the three-year old, ruffled his hair and said, "Yeah, Dameon. I'm back." He looked down at the smiling face and realized that over the last three months he's grown quite fond of the boy.**

**Randy looked at John saying, "Come on, your keys are in the kitchen." John nodded and followed, trying to decide if he wanted to stay or leave before anyone else got to the house. **

**Randy handed John's keys back to him and seeing John's indecision, he said, "John, is there anything you want to ask me?"**

**John gulped nervously and asked, "Does Mark really hate me, Randy?" "Why would he hate you?" Randy asked, "He's been miserable since you left. He felt so bad; he realized he had acted like a jerk after you left." **

**John visibly relaxed and said, "No, well he might've been a bit of a jerk, but I understand why. Which is the reason I tried to explain myself, I just didn't want him to hate me."**

"**He doesn't hate you John," Randy said, "He's been miserable since you've left, he's snapping at people and just plain being a grumpy old man. I think you two really need to talk things out."**

"**I know," John admitted, "I have tomorrow and the weekend off. Tell him to just give me until tomorrow and I will tell him everything he wants to know."**

**Randy was going to say something when they heard Mark's truck pull into the driveway. "Go out the back," Randy said. John nodded and hurriedly left the house out the back door. As he crossed the street he felt like he was being watched, he looked across the street and saw Mark staring at him. He gave a weak smile and hurried into his own home.**_**  
**_

* * *

**John woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and rested. He was thankful that Randy had probably told Mark to give him until today to talk to him. He needed the extra day to gather his thoughts and feelings.**

**John went about with his usual morning routine and then went downstairs to make breakfast when he noticed that he should do the grocery shopping.**

**When he finished eating, he cleaned up and went to the grocery store. He picked up his essentials and headed back home. He got home and put everything away, he then looked at the time noticing he still had a few hours left before he could see Mark.**

**John knew that he would see Mark that night, they had to work out their differences. The closer the time got that Mark got off work the more nervous John was. He sat down in the living room, looking at his wedding picture and he was suddenly certain of what he wanted. Now that he had closure, his conscience was clear of guilt and his heart free; he knew he could move forward with his life.**

* * *

**He got up to get a beer when he heard a knock at the door. He looked at the time and was shocked that the day seemed to have passed him by. He answered the door, knowing who it was and his heart beating faster with each breath he took.**

**He stared into green eyes as he stepped back letting Mark in his house. Mark opened his mouth to say something when John threw caution into the wind reaching up and pulling Mark down for a kiss.**

**As John moved his arms to go around Mark's neck, he heard Mark mumble, "Oh, fuck it," and wrapping his arms around John's waist pulled John closer to his body. As Mark deepened the kiss, his hands, which had landed on John's butt, gave the nicely rounded globes of flesh a light squeeze.**

**As Mark explored John's mouth with his tongue, his hands traveled up John's back while lightly squeezing and massaging the muscles he found there. **

**His hands still gently massaging John's back, Mark pulled from the kiss and said, "John, before this goes further we need to talk." John nodded his agreement and led Mark to the couch.**

**They sat on the couch for a few uncomfortable minutes when Mark said, "John, I have to apologize." John started to protest, but Mark said, "No, let me do this. I was a jerk that morning. We had a great night and I ruined it, I should have understood, but I shut myself off to you."**

"**When you said you were leaving, I couldn't help but…," Mark hesitated, hating what he was going to say next, "compare you to Mike and Dameon's mom. You said you were leaving that morning and I couldn't help but think you were the same. They got what they wanted, left me feeling used and hurt. I thought you were doing the same. I see now after being miserable these past two weeks how wrong I was. I'm sorry John and I would like to see where these feelings I have for you lead us."**

"**Mark, there is nothing to forgive you for and if there was, I already had before I left," John said, "Now I have something to confess to. The reason I left wasn't because of you or anything you did. I left because of the guilt I was carrying. That man and little girl in the pictures are my husband and daughter. Or I should say were up to six months ago." **

**Mark looked a little confused and John gave a sad sigh before continuing, "Evan and I would've been together for ten years and married for seven this year. Some months before getting married we started adoption proceedings and a couple of months after we married we adopted Alisha. We lived a very loving and fulfilling life until six months ago. There was a sudden storm that night and I wasn't supposed to be on duty that night but a colleague asked me to cover for him, so I did," John had to take a deep breath he could go on.**

"**Evan had taken Alisha out to dinner and the rain made the road slick and hard to see so….," John's breath hitched slightly, but he felt Mark squeeze his hand for encouragement. "They had little chance of avoiding the oncoming drunk driver and were hit head on. They were barely breathing when they arrived and no matter what I d...did..," John started to break down and cry a little, "I lost both on the operating table."**

**John looked at Mark, seeing the tears and sorrow that were reflected in his own eyes continued, "For months after that, I blamed myself and then I moved here. I moved here to start a new life, even though I still blamed myself. I met Randy, Glen, you and the kids. Getting to know all of you started to heal me, especially you. I hadn't expected to meet someone I would start to have feelings for and when we had that wonderful night, the guilt I felt the morning after was just too much."**

**John had to take another break. He was getting a little nervous about Mark's reaction to everything so far, but he was still there holding John's hand listening to him. John looked Mark directly in the eyes and continued, "I didn't feel so much guilt for what we did, Mark. It was that I had no closure; I hadn't visited their graves since their funerals. I felt that I had somehow betrayed them and the life I had with them. I needed to go back and explain to them. I spent a week at my parent's house before going to see them a couple of days ago, but I'm glad I did. I visited their graves and talked to them. I believe I have the closure I was looking for now."**

**John looked at the big man and was surprised to see a few tears streaking Mark's cheeks. He reached out and gently wiped the tears away saying, "I have closure Mark, and I'm ready to move on. I want to see where these feeling lead us also."**

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	16. Chapter 16

_**Two Months Later**_

**Mark and John were still together and doing great. The only thing that John would change would be the sex. They only had it that one time and John was getting frustrated. It wasn't that they hadn't tried; it was usually work that interrupted them. The town had a rash of robberies lately keeping Mark busy or tired and John either had double shifts or was on call lately. **

**This night John was coming to the end of being on call for 48 hours and hadn't been home in that time yet. It was about 10 o'clock when he decided he might be able to sneak a nap in the break room before he was called again. **

* * *

**Glen was still at the station house with Mark and another deputy even though it was after ten o'clock at night. Mark was in his office going over paperwork while Glen was sitting at his desk looking over the testimonies of other business owners robbed. He soon stood up to stretch and headed to Mark's office. He didn't have a good feeling about that night; he was thinking that something was going down.**

**He walked in Mark's office without knocking earning him a raised eyebrow and scowl from Mark. "Yea, I'll knock next time," Glen said while Mark just rolled his eyes not believing him, "but the reason I came in here is that I have a bad feeling about tonight."**

**Mark looked at his brother and said, "I have the same feeling. Well, we shouldn't be here longer; we've gone through everything and still haven't been able to catch these guys. It's beginning to look like we'll have to wait until they rob someone else." Glen just sighed in agreement and they went back to going through evidence. **

* * *

**Randy had just closed the bar for the night and was going over the weekly paper work before going home. He'd been sitting in the office for a while when a noise caught his attention, grabbing his phone he quietly walked to the office door and looked out.**

**He saw only one person all in black, wearing a ski mask by the register taking the money. He squatted by the bar, cursing himself for not emptying the register first like he usually does. He quickly dialed 911 and whispered, "I'm reporting a break in at the bar." As he hung up, he started moving around the bar toward the man taking the bar money. Randy was moving quietly but, he didn't see the shadow trailing him as he moved. **

**Randy moved quietly and quickly, not noticing the shadow following him. As the one robber got done taking all the money, Randy launched himself, knocking the robber down, but felt his body rack with pain as he heard two shots go through the air.**

**He landed with a grunt, the air driven out of his body, thinking '**_**damn should have known there would be at least two of them.'**_

**As he lay there trying to get up, while fighting to keep consciousness, he faintly heard the sirens pull up and one of the robbers say, "Let's get oughta here."**

**Randy faintly heard the two men run out the door and the officers capturing the robbers before he passed out. **

* * *

**Glen pulled into a screeching halt, seeing the other two officers pursuing the robbers, he ran into the bar to check Randy. Glen saw Randy on the floor the second he stepped into the bar, he ran over, seeing the blood and where it was coming from he ripped his shirt and started putting pressure on one of the wounds. He used one hand to put the pressure on and one to find a pulse. After a couple of seconds he found a slight one.**

"**Randy... come on babe open those pretty grey eyes for me," Glen pleaded. "Randy, Randy, you have to wake up Hun..," Glen said still pleading as tears started to wet the corners of his eyes, "Come on I can't do this by myself. You can do this, come on Randy, love."**

**He heard a harsh cough, looking up he saw Randy's eyes flicker and saw him spit up some blood. "I o.k.…new it w…as you," came Randy's raspy reply. "Y…You never knee...w when to be q-quiet."**

"**You have to stay awake for me," Glen said as he tried to keep his voice even, he tried to hold back his tears.**

"**Do-nnt cries ...babe..," Randy struggled to say, "takes … care…of the kids...and. brother."**

"**You know I will, but you're not going anywhere," Glen said now starting to let the tears flow, "you have to stay with me, keep talking to me Randy. The ambulance is almost here." He looked up when he heard footsteps quickly approaching hoping it was the EMT people.**

* * *

**Mark pulled up to the bar seeing his men bringing both robbers back in handcuffs and the ambulance arriving. He got out of his truck walking up to one of the robbers getting a shock at seeing he knew one of them.**

"**Mike, what the hell are you thinking?" he asked as he walked up and watched as the young man looked at him with tears in eyes. **

"**M-mark, I'm so sorry. I didn't know he had a gun," Mike said with a shaky voice.**

**Mark stared at Mike for a second, then headed for the bar saying, "Get both these asswholes out of my sight. I'll deal with them when I get back to the station."**

* * *

**Mark walked into the bar saw Randy on the ground with Glen kneeling beside him and walked quickly to them. He kneeled beside Randy, ripped his shirt and put pressure on the other wound.**

**He looked at his brother and it broke his heart seeing him there crying while trying to keep his husband awake. "Randy, come on boy. Wake up," Mark said while watching Randy spit up more blood and open his eyes slightly.**

"**M-Mark, you're here...too?" Randy barely whispered.**

"**Yes, I'm here too," Mark reassured him.**

"**T...takes care oof...the kids," Randy stammered, "watch over …Glen...John…m-my nephew." Randy then coughed violently, spitting up more blood and passed back out.**

"**Get that gurney in here," Mark yelled to an officer who just walked in. The officer turned and the EMT's were there in seconds putting Randy on the gurney and taking it to the ambulance.**

**Mark told Glen, "Go with him, I'll give you an escort. We'll get him there on time, Glen."**

**Glen nodded quickly walking to the ambulance with Mark following.**

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	17. Chapter 17

Mark walked in the hospital and spotted his brother pacing back and forth. He went to him and Glen told him that they had almost lost Randy on the way to the hospital; they had to do a trachea to save him.

Mark cursed under his breath. He knew that John was the one working and he hadn't had time to warn him before they got to the hospital. He just hoped that John could hold it together when he saw Randy. Just as he thought that he saw John run down the hallway, not seeing the family standing there and run right into the OR room.

* * *

John had been resting in the break room when he got the page from OR. He thought **'shit, well at least I got a little nap in'**, he then grabbed his doctors coat and ran down to the OR room. He ran right by the family not noticing them, into the OR and started washing up for whatever emergency was beyond the closed doors.

John walked into operating room feeling the eyes of others watching him nervously. The OR team hadn't told John who was on the table as told by the director. The director himself was standing against the wall with his arms cross watching John intently. If John couldn't get by this, then his career was over.

He slowly walked to the table, seeing the tanned hands he bit his lower lip. He went further seeing the tattooed arms he started to shake. John was now standing at the operating bed, looking at the man he considered a best friend almost like a brother over the last few months. He stood there thinking about the family that opened their arms to him when he first moved in, the family that he considered as close as his own. He thought about the man and son he had come to love.

As he thought, he asked the nurse, "What do we have here."

"A bullet went through the lung that caused it to collapse. The EMT's had to perform a trachea to save him once on the way here and a bullet that is actually caught in between a couple of ribs," the nurse said handing John a scalpel.

John took the scalpel, started to make the first incision and stopped. He watched a small pool of Randy's blood start to form and froze. **'No,' **he thought, **'I'm killing him just like I let my husband and daughter die. I can't do this and let it happen again.'**

He dropped the scalpel as he felt the sweats and shaking take over his body. He couldn't handle watching loved ones die again, so he turned while faintly hearing the nurses and director shout at him to stop.

He walked toward the OR feeling like time was coming to a standstill while hearing the nurses and director shout at him to stop. He looked through tear filled eyes as the doors opened and a bright light shined through, stopping time.

It took a couple of minutes for John's eyes to see into the light. He looked seeing a little girl with her back to him and a grown man squatting in front of her laughing. He watched as the man stood and on seeing John smiled sadly at him.

"John," the man said, "What are you doing?"

"I can't save him, Evan," John sadly said.

"You have to stop feeling guilty. You did everything you could that night," Evan said.

"But….," John said, "I let you and Alisha down. I walked away and let you die."

"No, dad, you didn't," the sweet voice of Alisha chirped in. "It was mine and daddy's time."

"You have to turn back John," Evan said, "That family needs Randy and you." "You deserve to be happy John. It's time to let Alisha and me go. We love you John, but you need to live life again. Keep our memories close to you and live your life with the ones you have found love again with.

"Save Alanna's daddy, dad," Alisha said, "she will need him. Daddy and I are happy here. It's beautiful, so don't worry about us anymore."

"She's right, John," Evan stated.

"But I love and miss you two so much," John said crying.

"We love and miss you too," Evan said, "but our time is over. Go back and save Randy. Live your life with your new loves. You will always have our memories and hearts."

John finally realized that what they said was true; it was time for him to set his guilt aside. He watched as the light started to fade along with Evan and Alisha. He now knew what needed to be done.

When the light disappeared, John turned around and went back to the operating table. He reached the table, wiped his eyes clear and looked around realizing that not much time if any had passed at all. Everyone else looked a little confused or stunned but, when John went about to doing the surgery nobody said anything against him and started to help in saving Randy's life.

**A/N: Ok, so this was a hard chapter for me to write. I know it's a little short too, but I hope you'll forgive me and I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

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	18. Chapter 18

Mark watched as his brother paced the waiting room floor knowing there was nothing he could say to make Glenn calm down. They were the only two in the waiting room. Mark had sent the kids home with Randy's sister. She hadn't wanted to go but Mark had explained that the kids needed to sleep and promised he would call her when he heard anything about Randy.

Now he prayed for his, his brother, John and the rest of the family's sake that Randy would survive.

* * *

John stood at the sink washing up after the surgery thinking. The surgery was successful and even though he didn't understand everything that went on in the OR, he thought it was a miracle. He didn't know if what happened was real or if he had finally lost his mind, but he felt that a heavy weight lifted off his shoulders.

* * *

While in the waiting room, Mark glanced at his brother. Even though Glenn was resting his head against the wall with his eyes closed, Mark knew he wasn't sleeping. He knew Glenn was trying to keep himself calm, because he was also trying not to go crazy with worry. He was getting tired of just sitting there, so he decided to go for a walk.

"Glenn, I'm going to the cafeteria for coffee. Do you want me to bring you a cup?" he asked.

Glenn without opening his eyes grunted and nodded his head.

Mark went to get the coffee and when he got back he saw John walking their way. He nudged Glenn, handed him coffee and pointed towards John.

Glenn almost spilled his coffee when he jumped up as John walked up to them. "Ho-how is h-he?" Glenn asked slightly stuttering with worry. He had sat there praying to god that Randy would make it through the surgery. He didn't know what the kids and him would do if Randy wasn't with them anymore.

John smiled slightly and put a hand on Glenn's shoulder. "He's in ICU, but he made it through the surgery, Glenn. He's going to be fine," he informed Glenn.

Glenn sighed with relief, "Can I see him?" He knew that there was a chance that John would say he would have to wait for visiting hours later in the morning, but he needed to see his husbands face himself to make sure he was ok.

"Yeah, you can as long as I'm with you. He's still sleeping so you won't be able to stay long," John explained as he led them to the room.

When they got to the room, John stopped at the door and turned toward them and explained further. "When you go in there I don't want you to be shocked. He's still pale, on a respirator and I inserted a chest tube to help inflate his lung. His breathing is a little shallow so the respirator is a precaution. I don't think he'll be on it long, just for a couple of hours, but the chest tube will be in for a couple of days." They reached the ICU and John turned to them and said, "You'll have to put on a surgical gown, mask and gloves. This is so he won't get an infection." They put on the protective equipment and went into the room.

Glenn walked into the room walked over to stand beside the bed. He took Randy's hand in his and looked at Randy's pale face listening to his slightly raspy breathing through the respirator. He had heard John say that Randy's looked pale but he hadn't expected him to look this ghostly pale and sickly. Even though he knew that Randy probably couldn't hear him, he couldn't help but talk to him. "Hey baby, I'm really glad you're still here with me. You shouldn't be here in the hospital, but I know how much you love your bar. You just had to try to stop them, didn't you?" he said with tears in his eyes and a slight smile. "Get well soon babe. I want you home with me and the kids as soon as possible. I love you." Glenn stood by Randy's bed just holding his hand and watching Randy's chest rise and fall with his breathing. A few minutes later, he turned his head towards John, who was standing by the door to see if it was time to leave yet.

When they had walked into the room, Mark stood by John just inside the door and let Glenn go see Randy alone. He could see how Randy looked from where he was and he didn't want to move closer. He had known Randy a long time, and was used to Randy being an active young man, not this pale, sickly version of him in a hospital bed. He tore his eyes from Randy's still form on the bed and looked at John. Mark thought that John looked like he could sleep standing right where he was. Mark wrapped an arm around John's shoulders and pulled the younger man closer to his side.

John looked up at Mark and gave a small, tired smile. Then he looked toward Glenn and saw that Glenn was giving him a questioning look. He knew Glenn was silently asking him if they had to leave now, so he nodded and sighed regrettably saying, "It's time to go Glenn. You can come back later after you get a few hours sleep."

Glenn nodded and the three took off the hospital garments and headed for the hospital exit. When they got to the lobby, Glenn kept walking zombie like out the door and to the truck.

Mark stopped and turned to talk with John. "Are you going home, John?" he asked.

"No, I'm too tired to drive home. Besides I want to stay and make sure he's ok until he wakes up. He's my best friend and I don't want anything else to happen to him," John explained. "You go home and get some sleep, too. Make sure that Glenn does, because the kids are going to need him to explain what's going on."

"Yeah, I will," Mark said. Then after he made sure no one paying attention, he pulled John into a tight hug and said, "I'm proud of you, John. Thank you for saving Randy."

John smiled into Mark's shoulder and said, "Thank you for saying that. I had to save him. Like I said he's my best friend and I couldn't just let him die."

They stood there holding each other for a few more seconds and then after saying their goodbyes, Mark left to get himself and Glenn home.

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